It is funny how attached one can become to fictional characters.
Whether they be characters from novels or movies, TV shows or the like, they
can attach themselves to our hearts before we even realize what has happened.
I have always been an emotional person, and it is not an unusual
sight to see me with my nose deep in a book and tears streaming down my face.
However, this time it was different. This time, I felt a deeper
sense of loss than I have ever felt before towards a fictional character.
It all started last winter: I was doing my student teaching near
Seattle, and I stayed with a wonderful couple who introduced me to a show
called Downton Abbey. It
soon became one of my favorite parts of every week, and we never missed an
episode. I thrived on the drama and marveled at the details of the time period.
My favorite character quickly became Lady Mary Crawley, despite
the fact that some found her cold and insensitive. I loved her strength, her
beauty, her wit. I wanted her to find true love despite the odds, and I knew
this love was with Matthew the second he walked onto the screen. I watched her
fall in love, and I watched him fall in love. But the timing was all off.
I was the one who hoped Lavinia would die – as awful as it sounds
– so that Matthew and Mary would have the chance to be together.
And finally in Season 3, my hopes and dreams came true. When Lady
Mary walked down the stairs in her wedding dress, the tears in my eyes began to
flow once again. I pictured myself as Lady Mary, and remembered walking down
the aisle towards my own husband.
After many struggles, Matthew and Mary were finally expecting a
baby, and in the season finale, Mary gave birth to a baby boy; I could not help
but imagine having my own children some day, and this time, I cried out of joy.
However, minutes after seeing his son for the first time, Matthew
was killed in a car accident. My heart was broken. I sat there silently, unable
to hold back the tears as my husband told me everything was going to be okay.
Even now, days later, my heart aches as I mourn the loss of Matthew Crawley.
I do not know what it is that made me quite so attached: usually a
few tears later, I am back to normal, but this time, it is different. Maybe it
is because I wanted this relationship for so long, and now, it is over. Maybe
it is because I imagined myself as Lady Mary, and now, her husband is gone.
I know I must stop this nonsensical sense of mourning because this
is not real life. It can be dangerous to intertwine fictional characters with
real-life emotions.
But Matthew, you will be missed and remembered for years to come.
